Show vs. Tell is perhaps the most common rule a writer hears when asked how to improve their writing. It’s a rule, rightfully so, that causes angst and confusion. But it shouldn’t. Its common (everyone does it!) and fixable. It’s about training your eye to see it and then how you can fix it.
Question: How can you show everything? You can’t (or shouldn’t).
Question: Why is telling a bad thing? It isn’t, but this is where storytelling moves from chit-chat with your mates to an actual story that exposes morality and emotion.
Telling Definition: Telling is stating information directly (emotions, facts, traits, etc) without letting the reader experience it.
Showing Definition: Showing conveys the same information but through movement – action, dialogue, sensory details, behavioral patterns, etc.
How do you spot it?
Example: James threw the ball vs. James reared his arm and launched the new baseball deep into the field. It was the last gift she’d ever given him, and he was glad never to see it ever again.
“James threw the ball” works, but if the sentence is designed to evoke emotion, let’s say anger, then showing is better here.
Think of it this way: your friend asks, “Tell me about your day,” so you say I did X, Y, and Z. Perfectly fine, and you answered the question, but let’s say it was a really tough day and you want to ensure your friend understands the emotions and psychological development you triumphed over to get through it. Then…you would show your day.
- Telling creates distance – the reader is informed rather than immersed.
- Showing builds trust and authority with your readers, allowing them to become emotionally invested and drawn in so they can draw their own conclusions and let their “mind’s eye” develop.
Whether you’re writing a short story, novella, or novel, this is ultimately what you want.
Note: Showing is not always better. Sometimes telling is. A character moving from point A to point B is a good place to tell, unless what happens in that transition is important, such as a car crash, flat tire, strange encounter, etc. (This also applies to world-building. You can tell the reader that day turned into night, unless the transition holds something significant in it or you want to set a mood/tone.)
It’s acceptable to say “she drove home” if that’s all she did. No need to bog the reader down with how she started the car, checked her windows, etc.
How do I edit telling into showing?
A few questions to ask:
- Am I naming an emotion or action directly that could be better shown as movement or dialogue?
- Would the reader have a better experience if they felt what was going on as opposed to simply informing them?
- Is this a moment worth slowing down for (show) or a transition I need to move past quickly (tell)?
- Example: James was mad vs. James’s cheeks went red, the vein in his forehead throbbing, and upon his narrowed eyes stared into the unexpected house guest with laser focus.
Kind Reminder: If you are undertaking a short story, novella, or novel, don’t analysis-paralyze yourself to exhaustion with show vs. tell. In paraphrasing Stephen King, “Write with the door closed and edit with the door open”, meaning first drafts and free-writing are just about getting the story down. Acknowledge the rule as you write, but don’t beat yourself up about it or ache after writing every sentence to make sure it follows this rule.
Save this ‘looking through a microscope’ vigilance for revisions.
Mythbuster: “show, don’t tell” doesn’t mean never tell. For perspective, a novel averaging at 80,000 words (300 pages) should shoot for 70% show and 30% tell. And some genres, such as Fantasy and Sci-Fi, rely more on this rule than others.
Prompts to practice
1. Showing Emotion
A character receives news that makes them anxious. That can be whatever you like, but you are not allowed to use the word anxious, nervous, worried, or rely on sentences that say, for example, John was X (emotion). Instead, your character’s body, actions, and dialogue should carry the scene and show the emotion.
The goal: To train your writer’s mind to not name the feeling but find a physical or behavioral way to show it. (Bonus points if you can find a way for this to create further conflict or tension for your character.
2. Showing Character Traits
Your character is stubborn. Without using the word stubborn (or its synonym) and through action or dialogue, show the character’s stubbornness.
The goal: Your reader should finish the paragraph knowing this is the character’s trait without being told it.
3. Rewriting to Rid Telling in Favor of Showing
Take these three telling sentences and transform them into showing:
“He was exhausted.”
“She didn’t trust him.”
“The room felt heavy and tense.”
A Recommended Show vs. Tell Craft Book
Understanding Show vs. Tell (and really getting it) by Janice Hardy Ebook on Hoopla, Audiobook on Hoopla
General Writing Craft Titles (To get inspired and immerse yourself, whether your pursuits are authorship or to better understand good storytelling.)
Book: Save the Cat! Writes a Novel by Jessica Brody
Book: Mastering the Process: From Idea to Novel by Elizabeth George
Book: On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King
Book: Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott
Book: A Long Game: Notes on Writing Fiction by Elizabeth McCracken
TV: The Great Courses Writing Great Fiction
Audiobook: The Writing Life by Annie Dillard
Audiobook: Structuring your Novel: Essential Keys to Writing an Outstanding Story
Audiobook: The Anatomy of Genre by John Truby
Audiobook: The Business of Being a Writer by Jane Friedman
Audiobook: Writing Series from Sandy Marsh (multiple step-by-step titles through the writing process)
Audiobook: Writing Fiction: A Guide to the Narrative Craft
Comment below your thoughts on if this post was helpful or if there is anything you’d like to see in future posts on writing best practices (This post, I admit, is highly focused on fiction writing.)
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Written by:
Sean Willey
Information and Digital Services Assistant
Writing Workshops and Program Options at the Hoboken Public Library
1. Write and Share: Prompts and Projects
Whether you’re drafting a novel, developing a short story, exploring a new idea, or simply hoping to practice your writing skills, this space offers the chance to put words on the page alongside fellow writers.
Prompts for each meetup are themed and sent to registrants the morning of, so that they can develop ideas and thoughts for the evening’s gathering. These prompts are optional for those looking for a creative spark. Writers are more than welcome to focus on their own projects, too. This is time set aside to help us all get closer to reaching our writing goals.
To join us or if you have questions, please email sean.willey@hobokenlibrary.org.
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Get input and constructive feedback on your writing project in a friendly and supportive environment! Meets once a month.
If you are working on your next project—whether it is a novel, short story, memoir or poetry—our Writers Group is a great place to get input and constructive feedback on your work! Our supportive group of fellow writers can help give you insights you need into shaping your work for self or traditional publication.
Email hplwriters@gmail.com for more information.
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